China

It was supposed to be so easy!! Go to Shanghai, have a few beverages, sleep and then catch a 10am flight to southern China the next morning. But then nothing’s ever simple, is it?!

It was a cold March evening. My friend and I had only been in China for a few weeks and luckily were in the capable hands of another Brit, Leo, who was an experienced oriental traveler. We arrived in Shanghai on the bullet train from Wuxi, only a 45 minute ride. This was my first time in a big Asian city and I was full of excitement for the adventure to come. We checked into our hostel for the evening, brushed our teeth, had a quick glance in the mirror to make sure everything was where it should be and set out for a night in the big apple of Asia.

The plan was to take it easy since we absolutely could not miss the flight in the morning. 500 yuan is a lot compared to our measly earnings as foreign language teachers.

First stop, a little place our friend knew called the Captain’s Hostel. “You guys are in for a treat” he said, with a knowing smile as we climbed the ship like stairs. Five floors later, we arrived at a roof bar and were greeted by a cheery, wide eyed Chinese barmaid pointing to the Happy Hour sign above her head and nodding eagerly. We accepted her offer at once and took our positions by the bar. “Now look behind you” my friend said to us both as we waited for our drinks to be poured. We turned around and found ourselves instantly speechless. Looming up from the cold river below, glowing in the night’s sky, stood Pudong, China’s financial powerhouse!! It was an incredible sight and an amazing view. We turned, still in shock, and looked at our friend who was smiling proudly, as a father might do after passing on a secret from one generation to the next.

Many buy one get one frees later, a long and interesting lecture from our friend on the politics of oriental nightlife and how Shanghai girls largely differ to other Chinese girls; we set off for The Spanish Bar for a boogie and a few more drinks.

By now, we were all drunk enough to have completely forgotten about the following day’s commitments and danced and drank with no end in sight. Finally, our friend pulled us to one side and said “I know an awesome club we can go to and it’s open till 6am!!” Now he wasn’t catching the flight the next day, only my other friend and I, so we made a pathetic attempt to protest. It was largely superficial though as we both knew we were going.

Babyface - I’d heard of this place from some other teachers back in Wuxi. Two rooms of cool music and high priced beer, we could well have been back in London if it wasn’t for all the crazy Chinese drinking games going on at the bar or the hot Chinese girls everywhere we looked. As Leo was dancing with a girl and my other friend was doing his infamous “Elephant” dance (don’t ask) I searched the floor for a new dancing partner. A girl then suddenly approached me through the crowd and began dancing in front of me. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “that was an unusually effortless search. Maybe that’s just how it is in Chinese clubs?” So I began to dance and even found the courage to try out a few lines of Chinese I’d been learning. “I speak English,” she affirmed, after not understanding a word of my dribbled slurring.

“Great!” I replied, a little embarrassed.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” She asked.

“Wow!” I thought. I couldn’t believe my luck. I signaled to my friends that I was leaving and they both waved.; one of them with his trunk (again, don’t ask).

Outside, she ran straight to a cab and grabbed me inside. We started kissing and the taxi driver shouted “Where do u want to go?”

“Shit,” I said. “Where the hell is my hotel?”

“I know a place,” the girl stated.

“Perfect!” I thought when I realised I didn’t even have the key-card.

We drove for about 20 minutes before the car ground to a halt. I put my hand inside my pocket and found a few bits of loose change and thanked the driver. “Oh crap,” I thought, “Is that all the money I have??” looking at my change and a few other loose coins.

I found myself standing outside a 500 yuan a night hotel (the exact same price as my all but forgotten about flight the next day). “You’re stopping here?” I questioned.

“Not exactly” she replied shyly, looking at the ground. “But I come here a lot and can get a deal. It’s 300 for the room and 400 for me.”

“What!!!!!!!!” My head started to spin and I became dizzy. I backed up against the railings to steady myself, then it all came back to me. My friend was telling me about this earlier in the bar by the Bund. “It’s not like home” he said. “A lot of girls in Chinese bars come out to simply make money!”

“Shit!!” I looked at her in shock and then began to feel really stupid and angry at myself. “Go away” I shouted at her. “Get lost, go on.. go home!” She didn’t understand and tried to protest. “Go away!!” I shouted again, this time much louder. Eventually, she walked off looking confused and apologetic.

I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at how stupid I’d been. To further add to a bad situation, I realised I only had around 30 yuan (about £3 or $5) and didn’t have a clue where I was or where I was going. I took out my phone, a modern saviour in these sort of situations. Of course. low battery. That's all I needed!!! I tried to call my friends. “Damn it!!" I thought as I heard the message. "Can’t get through!" I remembered I couldn’t get a signal in that club earlier."Shit!" Tried again. Still nothing. Now I don't know why I did what I did but I did! After about two minutes of careful deliberation, I walked to the end of the street and, beneath a huge spaghetti junction in the centre of Shanghai, found a bench and went to sleep. "It'll all be alright in the morning,"

“Beep beep.. Beeeep beeep!” “What the hell was that?..” I thought as I slowly began to come round. I opened my eyes to see a stream of taxis driving past me in both direction, barely visible though the early morning Shanghai haze. "What time was it??" I thought as I looked around. "What the hell?" I looked to my left and saw an old Chinese man standing by me staring in mouth wide open in amazement! “What a sight I must be,” I thought as I shook my head and stretched my arms. Then, like a car crash, it all came rushing back. “O my god.. my flight!!!” I quickly searched in my pockets for my phone.. it was gone!! I must have been pick-pocketed while I was passed out. A million and one thoughts flew through my mind; how did I get here? How could I get money to get somewhere else? Where was my hotel? How could I call my friends; all my numbers are on my phone?? I was in complete and utter despair as I sank back into the bench, the weight of my thoughts pressing me down further and further. I looked up at the Chinese man, wondering if it was he who took the phone. I started to become paranoid and overly suspicious.

I lifted myself up off the bench to confront him in angry protest when I got a strange sensation in my foot... no, it was my ankle... what was that??? itching, shaking... no, vibration...

I reached down to my sock and found something hard pressed against my leg. It was my phone!! “I’m saved,” I thought. I must have had a moment of clarity in my drunken stupor and hidden it in my sock before dosing off. I grabbed it out quickly and looked at the screen. “Low battery” it was warning me as it again vibrated in my hand. No message from my friends. “7:57am!! There’s still time!” I quickly texted my friend as fast as I could. “Meet me at the airport, bring my stuff!!” hoping and praying he would receive it and follow the instructions. “Beeeep. Battery Empty!” "Whether it went through or not," I thought, "The only thing I can do is go to the airport."

"Taxiiii!” I shouted, hailing the first cab that came into sight nodding politely to the old man as I ran passed him. His gaze following me still in absolute shock it seemed. I jumped into the waiting cab and suddenly found myself speaking surprisingly comprehensible Chinese “Feijichang (airport)” I scream in Chinese. “Zhi you (only have) 30 Yuan” I said waving the money at him, hoping that upon seeing my desperate state he might take pity on me. He muttered something illegible under his breath, assessed continous stream of empty taxis flying by in the morning mist and then nodded reluctantly.

He drove like a man with a pregnant woman on board, weaving his way through the morning traffic, signaling angrily at any rival cars who had the temerity to obstruct his path. I threw some coal on the fire by giving several complimentary comments about how magnificent I thought the Beijing Olympics were(always a dead cert in China if you need someone on your side fast). We arrived at the airport at 8:32am and I thanked him emphatically. I looked to the main entrance and there was my friend, looking weary eyed sitting on a mountain of luggage smoking a cigarette. “How was your night?” he said with an annoyingly casual and cheeky grin. “I’ll write a story about this one day” I said. “But for now, let’s just get on that damn plane!!"